Out of Egypt:

my life too?

Cartoon. (credit: Laura N.)

Perhaps the Wild at Heart guy has a point after all. Although I think it's more true that no one was meant to spend as much time sedentary in front of computers as we do in our society. +1 to physical activity.

so sometimes i feel like a yuppie in dorchester

But at least there's this site to help me have a sense of humor about it.

wondering what i did last night?

Just go here, then scroll a bit.

I love karaoke. I'll never win any awards for singing but I love the movement to the music. Here I got a nice little drunken sway going on, although I was completely sober.

"all great bass players write music because they get bored with their instruments"

Or at least that's what Brian Wilson's brother told me in a dream last night.

human-composed spam that's kinda fun to read

Apparently, one of the best ways to get high pagerank in Google is to have a page that demos WordPress themes. But once you have the pagerank what do you do with it?

Sell ads, mostly. Some people do it in a really blatant manner. Personally, I prefer the more distinctive approach of www [dot] wpdemo [dot] kaushalsheth [dot] com (dots added to protect my own page ranking, in case Google decides to penalize that site.) You've got to love the funny little stories in which the blogger hides his sponsored links.

if kilograms and liters left you wanting more...

It's time forMetric Time!

historian finds oldest recipe for bratwurst

"This discovery shows that there were already consumer protection laws in the Middle Ages."

Well, but of course. It wasn't like they were primitive or something. The purity laws were a few hundred years later, but I'm not surprised to find that German efficiency was in operation before then.

editor for life, that's what i will be

Nothing is funnier to me than critiques of Axl Rose's poetry.

you got to promote yourself

You know we're in a new era when the Prohibition Party presidential candidate has a MySpace.

for linnea

You've got to love the ISO: they've even established a standard for brewing tea.

and, finally, remember...

It's funny because there's poo involved.

running a close second...

If you could be the top scientist in your field or have mad cow disease, which would you choose?

funniest clip of all time

Yes, I finally found the McLaughlin Group sketch:

this is surprisingly accurate

BoingBoing: Mad Libs 2.0?

(Earmuffs if you read past the jump.)

a typical English country sign

Featured photo of the day on the Uncyclopedia. Public domain, photo(shop) credit Codeine.

A Wesleyan Tribute

Our Junior Dean here (sort of like an RA, as they told us when we first arrived), Jonathan Kirkpatrick, is a classicist and a great guy. For some reason tonight, Adam Parsons and I decided to make a tribute to him in the form of a Wesley Willis song, using lyrics provided by the Wesley Willis song generator (not linked, so as not to ruin the surprise of the song). Anyway, here's my latest Garage Band production. Enjoy.

Note, however, that if you are offended by Wesley Willis' songs, you might be offended by this, too. So caveat emptor, as they say in Rome.

poetry game at new year's

First entry of 2006 - woo hoo. Second entry on my new Mac.

Over at Jason McCrory's for New Year's since I was priced out of Sun Ra. Fun times - Bob's poetry game, Rachel H.'s drawing game, Trivial Pursuit, and a new drawing game I just made up.

A few creations from the poetry game (in the later ones guess which were the three words we had to use):

As in my art the forms aspire
Toward transcendence ever higher,
I find my Muse to be a liar - 
Denying an epiphany.

My composition's strokes are bold,
And though my paintings all get sold,
They leave my artist's sense ice cold
Though all the critics seem to see

~~~~~

Ambrosia of the gods methought -
My parents told me it was spinach.
Oh well - I've made mistakes before - 
I didn't realize hermit crabs were
ambidextrous.

And this one, from Jason:

Cool breakers sing praise
A colloquial setting
Blue feline waves pounce

And this one, from his brother Peter:

The man had a diabolical plan
Doing all that he can
He was leader of the land
The man had a diabolical plan

He would place a tariff on the food
Doing absolutely no good
But to no avail, it caused a schism in the land
And no, it didn't work, his diabolical plan

And this iambic pentameter work from Matt Brown:

The dialect that's spoken spirit to soul
That is written in a body under sky
(An empty sky held in nocturnal grasp)
The sphincter through which passes peace of mind.

(sort of a relaxation enema, I guess - well, the word was given to him deliberately)

Yay for reruns?

I was funnier in the old blogging days. More of a blog whore, perhaps, than even now. Anyway, I thought people might enjoy, at this stressful time of year (though stressful more for classwork than for holiday-related issues, at least for me), a taste of the wonder that was Out of Egypt:

so just go here, already? (I've started inadvertently misusing question marks. I'ma going to bed fo'real this time.)

Is it ironic to anyone else?

...that both these organizations are named the Trinity Foundation?

Furthermore, does anyone find it creepy that John Robbins is selling a book entitled Clark Speaks from the Grave?

the apex of bad web design

My eyes are bleeding. Does the spraypaint GIF at the top of the page mean that this was a hack, or did they do that themselves? If this is what the site's supposed to look like, either it was designed by a committee of five-year-olds or it was made intentionally bad.

this cartoon reminds me of someone i know...

I loved this. If you're reading this, I think you know who you are...

Link from BoingBoing.

You know this boogie is for real...

One of my most viewed posts, the famed Evan dance video (to Jamiroquai's "Canned Heat") - now available on YouTube.

(YouTube didn't exist at the time this was originally posted.)

This was amusing on a dreary day

Lutherans: Real Ultimate Power.

This entry a concession to nerddom

Essays on Why Star Wars is Superior to Star Trek (militarily, philosophically, and otherwise)

Yes, I admit that I spent several hours on here. I particularly liked the "Star Trek is communist" page. I also liked the part where he said that he didn't dislike all Star Trek - he liked the even-numbered films (before TNG), as well as TOS (the original series, for those who don't like nerd abbreviations). I feel the same way. And if anyone argues that Star Wars is mystical whereas Star Trek is scientific, he has the arguments to disprove that thesis as well.

This kind of fandom may seem bizarre to most of us, but it's at least occasionally fascinating to me.

So this is why they said comics aren't literature

Funniest words I've read in a while: Doesn't Batman have a code against killing too? Thanks, Dagen.

Just one more...

The Demon Theory of Friction

by Eric Rogers

How do you know that it is friction that brings a rolling ball to a
stop and not demons? Suppose you answer this, while a neighbor,
Faustus, argues for demons. The discussion might run thus:

You: I don't believe in demons.
Faustus: I do.
You: Anyway, I don't see how demons can make frction.
Faustus: They just stand in front of things and push to stop them from moving.
You: I can't see any demons even on the roughest table.
Faustus: They are too small, also transparent.
You: But there is more friction on rough surfaces.
Faustus: More demons.

Believe it or not, this, the Time Cube page, and the Postmodernism Generator all came out of a search on Wikipedia for Dietrich Bonhoeffer. Isn't the Internet great?

The essay you have just seen is completely meaningless

It was generated by the Postmodernism Generator. He has a Time Cube generator, as well.

It works better, probably because Time Cube isn't as complex.

contrary to popular belief, eating is good for you

Meet the Karl family, an "Interspecies Rainbow Coalition" of Japanese snack food mascots.

And, while you're at it, our old friends at X-Entertainment meet our old friends at Jones Soda and their latest mad-scientist-like soda concoction, the Jones Soda Holiday Pack, with such flavors as Green Bean Casserole and Mashed Potatoes with Butter. Sounds like the Jelly Belly Every Flavor jellybeans, except maybe worse because in carbonated form.

(Yes, I'm blogging the night away, since karaoke was called off tonight. I'll be gone tomorrow. Expect a post drought, at least until I can get my laptop up and running and locate some sort of wireless hotspots in off-the-beaten-path Lancaster County.)

Homestar Runner Wiki - the future of obsessive fandom

"Welcome to the Homestar Runner Wiki, a collaborative knowledge-base dedicated to the Homestar Runner flash cartoons created by The Brothers Chaps. We are currently working on 822 articles."

I have to give them credit - they're comprehensive.

"why can't God send in waves from the future to do His bidding?"

Yeah, that's what I was wondering too.

More wisdom from Dr. Petcher. (Actually class was rather interesting today, though).

The Daily Dinosaur

When did Mesh put this hilarious comic on the side of his blog?

...

Forget the Dow, I'm placing my stock in the rapture market. But where will I go to collect?

...

Matt's life is more interesting than mine.

I was going to come up with a clever title and phrase to introduce this, but I didn't.

As someone said on the Wittenberg Floor (stupidest name for a board ever), why can't Mel just admit his father is wrong? If I had been Peggy Noonan, I wouldn't have let him off so easy.

The White Ninja

Presenting...the Five Points craze...White Ninja (triple exclamation mark)

I'm Always a Fan...

...of a little photoshopping, whether the beneficiary is Bill Shatner or Thomas Kinkade, "Painter of Light."

Droplet Crocus

That title was for Serfass. Unfortunately, I cannot claim it, as it was spam.

Speaking of which, Dagen linked someone named Kristin whom he referred to as a "dude" (I think something's not right about that) who makes spam headers into poetry. A bit similar to my efforts of a few weeks ago, eh?

Speaking of ehs and other dialectual tics, I just watched Fargo in the RD apt. with some random folk, some of whom I never would've expected would go in for that kind of thing (and some whom I would've).

William H. Macy has it right about the violence - you laugh because it's uncomfortable. But nothing could be more hilarious than seeing the "funny looking guy" (what's his name again?) driving out of the parking lot with blood streaming down the side of his face and a look of raw anger at the ticket guy.

Entirely at a loss for words...

What combines the comedic potential of the Golden Throats collection, nostalgia for the psychedelic 60s, and fan tributes to Lord of the Rings?

Why, Leonard Nimoy's Bilbo Baggins song, of course.

Thanks immediately to Carly Troxell, whom I do not believe has a site, and more importantly to J.D. Bell, who is hosting the file.

I never knew HotorNot could be used as a dating service...

But it may just work for our friend Josh.

Seems pretty cute, too. If only I wasn't getting married soon *wink*....

From the "Is this for real?" Files

"[Surge] was everything to us. Teacher, parent, muse, friend, lover...in many ways, Surge was all we had."

Surge was a terrible soda, folks. That's why it doesn't exist anymore. It's called capitalism...

You know those supposedly dramatic lines that everyone parodies?

"Nan Adams was driving across the country. Little did she know her companion would be terror."

The CAB Twilight Zone marathon was friggin' sweet. Dr. Nielson and Rod Serling should look even more alike than they already do. (Well, actually I guess they don't, since Rod's probably around 80 right now.)

Vote Gay Penguin...For America

Better than the ficus they ran last year.

Andare twelve galaxies still guiltied to a Zegnatronic rocket society?

At the Request of Ben Hubbard and Bob Nickles...

A Rhyming Poem(with a little help from the good people of RhymeZone.com)

I was walking home with my friend Brett
When he asked me to take a bet,
Off’ring a marijuana cigarette
His words I would not soon forget

I was quite close to Brett the brunette
Me and him were a third of a jazz sextet
But sadly I’d incurred much debt
And so I spoke words I’d soon regret

There was a scenester named Georgette
A real hep cat, she played roulette
Her breath always smelt of anisette,
And her tongue was ticklish like a barrette

He wanted me to two-time her with Yvette
But about this move I much did fret
Her boyfriend was buff and named Arnette
I feared he’d turn our sextet into a quartet –
(By essentially killing me and Brett)

But cold-hearted Brett had me in his net
I could not welch on my bad debt
I found myself in a cold sweat
And strangely singing “Bernadette” –
(Particularly strange since my girl was Georgette)

That night in the club we played a hot set
Yvette was a starry-eyed suffragette
My heart in my chest danced a minuet
While outwardly I was cool as a statuette

Suddenly I saw a stark silhouette
Stalking across, so I called to Brett
It was Arnette of the gallant sobriquet
I found myself going into oxygen debt

I felt a strange warmth in my bass clarinet
No longer was I playing a small flageolet
I was afraid I’d be smashed in my minaret
I glanced at Arnette, then at Brett’s cornet

(Herein steps the author, who now is beset
With problems diverse, my words offensive like Tet
O how will I resolve this scene that I’ve set?
I don’t really know; we aren’t there yet.)

Spam Redux

So it's up to 20+ a day. Think I'll get a new email.

But in the interim, at least I can do things like this:

"Free Cable TV - No More Pay"

Toddling, the copperhead twitched
Striding, 'e broke across the Mekong delta
Glorious, adapted to the farsighted wilderness

The collard greens are cut tonight
Guaranteeing frost will pass
Christen'd are the ashes of the fallow fields

It is a heavenly electrolysis,
A grandstanding speech that grips
Binomial oppositions, tears
The menu of our deepest fears

To shreds, flexure extol
The muscularity of war
Thy cobra coils
Blackened out into the space

Of cruel words spit from crueler mouths
You faceless man, you reptile wretch
You catalyst of cataclysm, kept
By my watch from bleak despairing world

O get you westbound on a train
To where the shores are all sunk
And there is darkness in the grain

So what was that all about? I took one of those great spams that promise to tell all the secrets of Big Brother for a small fee and collected some of the random words they add in so as to avoid spam filters. Then I tried to compose a poem using one of those words (or a form thereof) in each of the lines. I didn't quite succeed, but the effort was interesting, particularly since it started to congeal into one theme. The last few lines are think are actually good.

Forget those lesser classes...

Yeah, RPGs can be stupid. And fan fiction even more so. Links from Progress Quest.

Kansas Is Flatter Than a Pancake

I was listening to Car Talk once (literally once - I'm not an NPR fan myself, or a talk radio fan for that matter; I like the jazz and indie rock, but that's it) when I heard about an interesting topographic study (contradiction in terms? I think not.) on whether the state of Kansas was flatter than a pancake. Apparently it is. And the researchers got an award for this discovery. As well they should.

Bob Speaks Again

"A cat in a lime...it's worth the distraction."

He was working on his SIP, I was trying to find out how I can donate my car to charity. (Well, actually I was meandering through my neck of the Blogosphere, but I am going to find out how to donate my car to charity.)